so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
