You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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