About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
