Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
