My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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