She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
