we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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