im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
