Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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