I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
