am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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