i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
