this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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