Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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