I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
