Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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