i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
