Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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