i think my mom watched the whole time
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
