I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
