google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
