I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
