FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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