it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
