This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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