So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
