let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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