he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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