Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
