There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
