watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
