I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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