ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
