imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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