I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
