I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
