She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
