I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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