Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
