Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
