She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
