just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
