I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
