Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
