there's paper in my vomit.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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