"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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