the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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