I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
