Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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