hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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