there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
