smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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