Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
