here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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