There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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